No Independent Thought

I spent some time with my dad's family last week at my great uncle's funeral. My mom's presence there was understood as she remained close with my dad's family after they were divorced around 1990. She has been close with my aunts and uncles since she and my dad were together, and she took a day off from her annoying job to attend the funeral.

Of course, everyone else was there as well. I didn't really know my uncle very well, but it was good to see them even though it hasn't been very long since the annual christmas eve get-together.

I spent some time just with my mom and dad. Here and there, and I got this photo. It's probably the only photo of them I've seen or had where they were together other than photos taken while they were married. And even then, the photos were taken with us kids at a studio. Oddly, walking around with them without my brother (who lives in Oklahoma) and my sister (who had already left the gravesite) didn't remind me of being young, living with them while they were married. Many times before I would always be reminded of it, and it bothered me. Now I suppose it's because every one is older, including me, and most of that has faded away somewhat. There was a time when I'd think of my parents, or myself while they were together, or even of small children, and I would become very depressed and upset. Up until I was about 25, I would still be mentally and/or emotionally occupied, to varying degrees, on how much my parents' divorce and my dad not being around much would bother me. 

When I arrived (actually early) at the funeral home, someone asked me if I'd be willing to fill in as a pallbearer, as they were missing two people when I got there. My dad and uncle were both pallbearers as well. We all sat up front during the service, which consisted of Elvis songs, military flag-folding honors, and bible verse-recitation. Sitting up there with my dad made me feel good. At one point he looked over at me and stared for a second, and just said "my son" and sort of smiled, which is similar to things he used to say when I was younger. I think he was always a really great dad while he and my mom were married, which always made it hard to be away from him so much after they split up and it bothered me a lot. While he has hesitated to see us often, he has never hesitated to show us affection, or tell me he's proud of me for my very small achievements and modest life.